Theme 1: Christian Marriage – Theology & Goal by Joseph Iyaji

“What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” — Mark 10:9

Introduction: Why This Theme Matters

Dear intending couples, before you discuss your introduction or your bride price, you must first understand the introduction of God into your union. In Nigeria today, many marriages are celebrated in Church but fail in the home. Why? Because the couples knew the rites but not the theology. They planned the wedding but not the covenant.

Let us therefore go deep. Let us answer: What is the theology of marriage? What are its goals – primary, secondary, and ultimate? And critically: If I remain single, can I still go to heaven?

Joseph Iyaji – 08038644328

Part One: The Theology Behind Marriage

Theology is simply faith seeking understanding (St. Anselm). It is asking: What does God say about this?

1. Marriage is a Natural Institution Elevated to a Supernatural Sacrament

The Natural Level (From Creation): Marriage exists in every human culture because God inscribed it into our nature.

📖 Genesis 1:27 – “So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them.”

From the beginning, God created two complementary sexes, not for competition, but for communion. Marriage is the deepest form of that communion.

📖 Genesis 2:24 – “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Key Theological Term: Unitive love – the complete self-gift of one person to another.

The Supernatural Level (Elevated by Christ): When Jesus Christ came, He did not abolish marriage. He raised it. Just as baptism takes water and makes it holy, Christ takes the natural bond of marriage and makes it a Sacrament – a channel of grace.

CCC 1612: “The union of Christ and the Church… has become the model of Christian marriage.”

📖 Ephesians 5:31-32 – “‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery – but I am speaking about Christ and the church.”

St. Paul calls marriage a mystery (Greek: mysterion – sacrament). This means: When you love your spouse, you are making visible the love of Christ for the Church.

Teaching Point for Nigerian Couples: When your husband wakes up early to work in the heat, he is showing Christ’s labour for His people. When your wife forgives your disrespect, she is showing the Church’s forgiveness. Your marriage is a living Bible for your children and neighbours.

2. The Three Essential Properties of Matrimony (CCC 1660)

For a marriage to be truly Christian and sacramental, it must have three unbreakable properties.

• Unity: One man + one woman. No polygamy (Matthew 19:4-6).
• Indissolubility: Cannot be broken by any human power. Permanent until death (Mark 10:9).
• Openness to Life: Every marital act must be open to procreation (Genesis 1:28; Humanae Vitae 11).

Common Question: “What if my spouse commits adultery? Can I divorce then?”

Answer: In Matthew 19:9, Jesus says: “Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality (porneia), and marries another, commits adultery.” The Church interprets porneia here as invalid marriage (e.g., a union that was never truly a sacrament due to some impediment), not as permission to divorce a valid marriage. Therefore: even adultery does not dissolve a valid sacramental marriage. You may separate for safety (CCC 2383), but you remain married. You cannot remarry.

Professional Advice (Nigerian Context): In our culture, when a husband commits adultery, his relatives may say, “It is normal. All men do it.” That is a lie from the evil one. Adultery is grave sin. It wounds the covenant. But it does not end the covenant. Seek healing, counselling, and true repentance. Do not rush to a customary court to “divorce” and marry another. That second union will be adulterous.

3. Marriage as a Covenant, Not a Contract

This is the most important theological distinction you will learn.

• Contract: Exchange of goods or services; “I will give you this if you give me that”; time-limited or breakable; focuses on rights.
• Covenant: Exchange of persons; “I give myself to you”; permanent, like God’s love; focuses on gift.

CCC 1601: “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life…”

A Covenant is sealed with blood. In the Old Testament, covenants were sealed with animal sacrifice (Genesis 15). In the New Covenant, sealed with Christ’s blood. In marriage, the covenant is sealed with your bodily self-gift (consummation) and witnessed by the Church.

Practical Implication: When you are angry, do not say, “I am leaving you.” That language belongs to contracts, not covenants. Instead say, “I am hurt, but my covenant remains.”

Part Two: The Goals of Christian Marriage

The Church distinguishes between primary, secondary, and ultimate goals. Many couples only think of secondary goals and never reach the ultimate goal – heaven. Let us correct that.

A. The Primary Goals (Inseparable from the Act of Marriage)

CCC 2363: “The spouses’ union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life.”

Goal 1A: The Procreation and Education of Children

📖 Genesis 1:28: “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.”

This is the first command God gave to the first married couple. Therefore, every marriage must be open to life. This does not mean you must have twenty children. It means: In every act of sexual intercourse, you must not deliberately block the possibility of new life.

CCC 2370: “Every action which… proposes… to render procreation impossible, is intrinsically evil.”

This includes: Condoms, oral contraceptives, IUDs, sterilisation (vasectomy/tubal ligation), withdrawal method.

Permitted method: Natural Family Planning (NFP), for serious reasons (health, finances, spacing). NFP respects God’s design and requires self-mastery.

Goal 1B: The Good of the Spouses (Mutual Sanctification)

📖 Ephesians 5:25-26: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy.”

You are not just meant to live together. You are meant to help each other become saints.

Deep Question: “What if my spouse is not holy? What if he or she is lazy in prayer, or even mocks my faith?”

Answer: Your primary goal is not to change your spouse by nagging. Your goal is to become holy yourself. St. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:14: “The unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife.” Your own holiness has a sacramental effect on your spouse. Pray for them. Be kind. Let them see Christ in you.

B. The Secondary Goals (Good but Not Essential)

• Companionship: A lifelong friend. But do not marry only to escape loneliness.
• Emotional fulfilment: Feelings come and go. Marriage is a vow, not a feeling.
• Economic stability: Two incomes shared. If money is your goal, you will divorce when poverty comes.
• Social status: “Settling down” to please parents or village. Never marry for that reason alone.

Professional Advice: These secondary goals are like the icing on a cake. The cake itself is the covenant. If you marry only for icing, the first heat of life will melt it. Marry for the covenant.

C. The Ultimate Goal of Marriage (The Final End)

CCC 1603: “…for the sake of the salvation of the spouses.”

The ultimate goal of marriage is not happiness on earth. It is eternal life in heaven. Your marriage is a vehicle of salvation. You are fellow pilgrims walking toward the heavenly Jerusalem.

📖 Revelation 19:7 – “Let us rejoice and exult… for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready.”

Practical Implication: Every morning ask: How can I help my spouse get to heaven today? That question will change how you speak, how you spend money, and how you forgive.

Part Three: Is Marriage Necessary for Heaven?

Direct Answer: No. Absolutely not. Marriage is not necessary for salvation. The Church has always taught that virginity and celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom are superior to marriage (CCC 1618-1620).

📖 1 Corinthians 7:32-35: “An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs… but a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world.”

📖 Matthew 19:12: “There are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.”

CCC 1618: “Virginity for the sake of the Kingdom is a surpassing of the marriage bond.”

So who goes to heaven? Heaven is for the saved – those who die in a state of grace, having loved God and neighbour. Married people are saved through the duties of their state; single people through charity and chastity; priests and religious through their consecrated celibacy. The question is not married or single? but Am I doing God’s will in my state of life?

Nigerian Cultural Question: “In our culture, an unmarried person is called ‘old bachelor’ or ‘spinster’ and is pitied. Are they less blessed?”

Answer: No. That is culture, not doctrine. The Blessed Virgin Mary, St. John the Baptist, St. Paul – many saints were unmarried. Do not let village gossip pressure you into a wrong marriage. It is better to be a holy single person than a miserable, sin-ridden married person. Yet for those called to marriage, it is a holy vocation – different but beautiful.

---

Summary: Theology & Goals at a Glance

On Theology: Marriage is a natural institution elevated by Christ to a Sacrament. It reflects the union of Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5).

On the Three Properties: Unity (one man, one woman), Indissolubility (permanent until death), Openness to Life (every marital act open to procreation). CCC 1660.

On the Primary Goals: (1) Procreation and education of children; (2) Mutual good and sanctification of spouses – inseparable.

On the Secondary Goals: Companionship, emotional fulfilment, economic stability, social status – good but not essential.

On the Ultimate Goal: The salvation of both spouses – helping each other reach heaven.

On Necessity for Heaven: Not necessary. Celibacy/virginity for the Kingdom is a higher calling, yet marriage remains good and holy.

Professional Advice for Intending Couples (Nigerian Context)

1. Do not marry under pressure. Vows made under grave fear may be invalid (CCC 1603). A forced marriage is no marriage at all.
2. Marry for heaven, not for comfort. Comfort fades, but heaven is forever. Ask: Does this person help me love God more?
3. Learn the theology before traditions. Know why marriage is indissoluble before arguing about bride price.
4. Attend a full Pre-Cana course. No shortcuts. A rushed preparation leads to broken marriages.
5. If you cannot accept the Church’s teaching on openness to life (no artificial contraception), do not marry in the Catholic Church. Better honesty now than a lifetime of mortal sin.

Memory Verses for This Theme

📖 Ephesians 5:31-32 – “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother… This is a profound mystery – but I speak about Christ and the Church.”

📖 Mark 10:9 – “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

📖 Genesis 1:28 – “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.”

📖 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 – Unmarried person is concerned about the Lord’s affairs…

📖 1 Corinthians 7:29-31 – “The appointed time has grown very short… For the present form of this world is passing away.”

Closing Prayer for Couples

Almighty and eternal God, You created marriage in the garden of Eden. You blessed it at the wedding feast of Cana. You raised it to a Sacrament on the wood of the cross. Open the minds of these intending couples to understand the deep theology of Your holy design. May they see that marriage is not a destination of ease, but a path of holiness. Give them the grace to seek first Your Kingdom, trusting that all other things – children, companionship, and earthly happiness – will be added unto them. May they help each other reach heaven. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Thank you.

Yours in Christ,

Joseph Iyaji – 08038644328

---