THEME 13: Challenges of Christian Marriage

“In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” — John 16:33

Introduction: The Reality of the Cross in Marriage

Dear intending couples, I must speak to you today with honesty and love. If anyone has told you that a Christian marriage is without problems, they have lied to you. If anyone has promised you that because you love God, your marriage will be easy, they have deceived you.

The truth is this: Christian marriage is a battlefield. It is a school of holiness. And holiness is never achieved without suffering.

Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself warned us: John 16:33: “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Marriage is not the absence of challenges. Marriage is learning to face challenges together, with Christ at the centre. The cross is not removed from Christian marriage; it is embraced in Christian marriage. And through that cross, you are transformed into the image of Christ.

In this teaching, we will examine the most common challenges that Christian couples face – from financial struggles to spiritual dryness, from sexual temptations to cultural pressures. We will not pretend these challenges do not exist. We will face them honestly, with the wisdom of the Church, the strength of Scripture, and the grace of the Sacraments.

CCC 1615: “Christ is the source of this grace. He accompanies Christian spouses in all the difficulties and trials of their lives.”

Part One: Financial Challenges and Economic Pressure

1. The Reality of Financial Struggles

In Nigeria, economic hardship is a daily reality for many families. Unemployment, inflation, rising school fees, and unexpected medical bills can put immense strain on a marriage. Many couples fight more about money than about anything else.

Common Question: “We are struggling to make ends meet. My husband lost his job, and we have three children to feed. How do we keep our marriage strong?”

Answer: Financial struggle does not have to destroy your marriage. The key is to face it together, as a team, and to trust God.

Biblical Support:

Matthew 6:31-34: “Do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow.”

Professional Advice:

• Create a budget together. Be honest about income and expenses.
• Cut out unnecessary spending. A smaller house, simpler meals, and fewer luxuries are better than a broken marriage.
• Communicate about money openly. No secret spending. No hidden debts.
• Pray about your finances. Ask God to provide and to show you opportunities.
• Remember: your spouse is more valuable than money. Do not allow financial stress to make you bitter toward each other.

2. Financial Infidelity

Financial infidelity is when one spouse hides money, spends secretly, or accumulates debts without telling the other. This is a serious betrayal of trust.

Common Question: “My husband does not tell me how much he earns. He gives me a small allowance and spends the rest on his own. Is this normal?”

Answer: This is not normal and not Christian. In marriage, you are one flesh. Your finances should be shared openly and honestly.

Biblical Support:

Ephesians 5:29-30: “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body.”

Professional Advice:

• Agree to share all financial information openly.
• Decide together on major purchases.
• Do not hide debts from your spouse.
• If you have been financially unfaithful, confess it, ask forgiveness, and begin again.

Part Two: Communication Breakdown

We have already covered communication skills in detail, but it is important to revisit this challenge in the context of overall marital struggles. When communication breaks down, everything else breaks down.

Common Question: “We used to talk for hours. Now we barely speak. What happened to us?”

Answer: Many couples stop communicating because they are tired, distracted, or afraid of conflict. But silence is a slow poison.

Biblical Support:

Proverbs 15:22: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

Professional Advice:

• Make time to talk every day – even if just for 15 minutes.
• Turn off the television and put away your phones.
• Ask open-ended questions: “What was the best and worst part of your day?”
• If you cannot talk without fighting, seek a counsellor to help you learn healthy communication.

Part Three: In-Law Interference

We have also covered in-law relationships extensively, but this challenge is so common that it deserves revisiting here.

Common Question: “My mother-in-law runs our home. She tells my wife what to wear, how to cook, and even when to have children. My wife is stressed and angry. What can I do?”

Answer: You must step up. The husband must leave his parents emotionally and cleave to his wife (Genesis 2:24). If you do not protect your wife, your marriage will suffer.

Biblical Support:

Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Professional Advice:

• The spouse whose family is causing the problem must speak to them.
• Set clear boundaries together.
• If necessary, reduce contact with toxic in-laws.
• Seek help from a priest or counsellor if needed.

Part Four: Sexual Challenges and Temptations

1. Sexual Temptations Outside Marriage

In a world saturated with pornography, immorality, and easy access to illicit relationships, staying faithful to one spouse is a daily battle.

Common Question: “I am tempted to look at pornography or to have an affair. Does this mean I do not love my wife?”

Answer: It means you are human. But it also means you must fight this temptation. Temptation is not sin, but yielding to it is.

Biblical Support:

1 Corinthians 10:13: “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

Professional Advice:

• If you struggle with pornography, go to confession immediately.
• Install accountability software on your devices.
• Be honest with your spouse. Do not hide it.
• Flee from temptation. Do not entertain it.

CCC 2351: “Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure.”

2. Sexual Frustration Within Marriage

Sometimes one spouse desires intimacy more than the other. This can lead to frustration, rejection, and resentment.

Common Question: “My wife is never in the mood. I feel rejected and unwanted. What can I do?”

Answer: This is a sensitive issue. The answer is not to demand or pressure. It is to communicate lovingly and seek to understand.

Biblical Support:

1 Corinthians 7:3-5: “The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time.”

Professional Advice:

• Communicate openly and honestly about your needs.
• Do not pressure or coerce your spouse. That is not love.
• Seek to understand why your spouse is not in the mood – is it tiredness, stress, pain, or emotional distance?
• Consider seeing a counsellor together.

Part Five: Spiritual Dryness and Loss of Faith

1. When Prayer Becomes Difficult

Many couples experience periods where prayer feels dry, Mass feels empty, and God seems silent. This is called spiritual desolation.

Common Question: “We used to pray together every day. Now we feel nothing. Is God punishing us?”

Answer: No. Spiritual dryness is not punishment. It is a test of faith. It can also be an invitation to deepen your trust in God.

Biblical Support:

Psalm 42:9: “I say to God my Rock, ‘Why have You forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?’”

CCC 2732: “Dryness should not surprise the Christian who is seeking God. It is a test of the heart’s fidelity.”

Professional Advice:

• Do not give up on prayer because you feel nothing. Feelings are not faith.
• Keep praying, even if it feels empty. This is an act of trust.
• Seek spiritual direction from a priest.
• Remind yourself of God’s faithfulness, even when you cannot feel it.

2. One Spouse Loses Faith or Leaves the Church

This is a painful challenge. One spouse may stop going to Mass, stop praying, or even reject the Catholic faith entirely.

Common Question: “My husband has stopped going to Mass. He says he no longer believes. What can I do?”

Answer: This is a cross. You cannot force faith. But you can witness to it. Your life may be the sermon that brings your spouse back.

Biblical Support:

1 Corinthians 7:13-14: “If a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife.”

Professional Advice:

• Pray for your spouse daily.
• Witness by your life – not by preaching, but by loving.
• Go to Mass yourself and pray for their conversion.
• Do not nag or argue about faith. That often pushes people further away.
• Trust God. He is faithful.

Part Six: The Challenge of Childlessness

We touched on this in the parenting theme, but it is a deep and painful challenge for many couples.

Common Question: “We have been married for ten years and have no children. Our families pressure us constantly. People call my wife a barren woman. How do we cope?”

Answer: This is a heavy cross. In our Nigerian culture, childlessness can feel like a curse. But the Church teaches that your worth is not based on your ability to bear children.

Biblical Support:

Psalm 113:9: “He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!”

CCC 2379: “The Gospel shows that physical sterility is not an absolute evil. Spouses who still suffer from infertility after exhausting legitimate medical procedures should unite themselves with the Lord’s cross, the source of all spiritual fruitfulness.”

Professional Advice:

• Do not blame your spouse or allow others to blame them.
• Seek legitimate medical help, but avoid immoral treatments.
• Consider adoption. It is a beautiful and loving choice.
• Trust God. He has a plan for your marriage.
• Find your identity in Christ, not in your ability to have children.

Part Seven: The Challenge of Infidelity

1. The Reality of Adultery

Infidelity is one of the most painful challenges a marriage can face. It shatters trust, wounds hearts, and can lead to divorce.

Common Question: “My husband had an affair. I am devastated. Should I divorce him?”

Answer: Divorce is not permitted for a valid sacramental marriage (Mark 10:9). However, separation is permitted for grave reasons (CCC 2383). The goal should always be reconciliation if possible.

Biblical Support:

Mark 10:9: “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

CCC 2383: “The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.”

Professional Advice:

• Seek counselling immediately.
• If there is abuse or refusal to repent, separation may be necessary.
• If the spouse repents, work toward reconciliation. It is a long and painful process.
• Do not use children as weapons.
• Pray for healing and for the grace to forgive.

2. Emotional Infidelity

Not all infidelity is physical. Emotional infidelity – sharing your heart with someone other than your spouse – is also a betrayal.

Common Question: “I have not slept with anyone, but I have a female friend I talk to about everything. My wife is jealous. Am I wrong?”

Answer: Yes, you are wrong. You are giving your heart to someone who is not your wife. This is emotional adultery.

Biblical Support:

Matthew 5:28: “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Professional Advice:

• End the inappropriate relationship.
• Be transparent with your spouse.
• Rebuild trust by sharing your heart with your spouse first.

Part Eight: The Challenge of Abuse

1. Domestic Violence

This is a grave sin and a serious challenge. No spouse has the right to abuse the other – physically, emotionally, or verbally.

Common Question: “My husband hits me when he is angry. He says he loves me. Is this normal?”

Answer: This is not normal. This is not love. This is abuse. The Church condemns all forms of domestic violence.

CCC 2383: “The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.”

Professional Advice:

• You are not required to live with an abusive spouse.
• Seek safety. Go to a shelter, family, or trusted friend.
• Report the abuse to authorities if necessary.
• Seek counselling for the abuser – but do not return until they have changed.
• Pray for healing and safety.

2. Emotional and Verbal Abuse

Not all abuse is physical. Words can wound deeply. Constant criticism, name-calling, belittling, and manipulation are forms of abuse.

Common Question: “My wife constantly tells me I am worthless and useless. She says she is just being honest. Is this abuse?”

Answer: Yes. This is emotional and verbal abuse. It is not honesty; it is cruelty.

Biblical Support:

Colossians 3:8: “But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.”

Professional Advice:

• Set boundaries. Say: “I will not be spoken to this way.”
• If the abuse continues, separate for safety.
• Seek counselling.
• Pray for your spouse, but do not allow them to destroy your dignity.

Part Nine: The Challenge of Cultural and Family Pressure

1. Traditional Practices That Contradict the Faith

In Nigeria, many cultural traditions are good and honourable. But some contradict the Catholic faith – such as polygamy, ancestral worship, or rituals that invoke spirits.

Common Question: “My family wants us to participate in a traditional naming ceremony that includes offerings to ancestors. Can we do this?”

Answer: No. Catholics cannot participate in any ritual that honours other gods or spirits. You may participate in cultural aspects that are not religious, but you must avoid anything contrary to faith.

CCC 2110-2111: “The first commandment forbids honouring gods other than the one Lord who has revealed Himself to His people. It prohibits superstition and idolatry.”

Professional Advice:

• Be respectful but firm with your family.
• Explain that your faith does not permit certain practices.
• Find alternative ways to honour your family without compromising your faith.

2. Pressure to Have Many Children

In some Nigerian cultures, having many children is seen as a sign of blessing and manhood. Couples may be pressured to have more children than they can afford.

Common Question: “My family says I should have more children, but we cannot afford them. What should I do?”

Answer: You and your spouse must make this decision together. No one else has the right to dictate your family size.

Professional Advice:

• Use NFP to space children for just reasons.
• Do not feel pressured by family or culture.
• Trust God, but also use prudence.

Part Ten: The Challenge of Parenting Difficult Children

1. Disobedient or Rebellious Children

Raising children is difficult. Some children are particularly challenging – disobedient, rebellious, or even involved in dangerous behaviour.

Common Question: “Our teenage son is rebellious. He has joined a bad crowd and refuses to listen. What do we do?”

Answer: This is a heavy cross. You must continue to love your child, set boundaries, and pray.

Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Professional Advice:

• Do not give up on your child. Keep praying.
• Set clear boundaries and consequences.
• Seek help from a counsellor or priest.
• Trust God. Many rebellious children return to the faith.

2. Children with Disabilities

Raising a child with disabilities can be challenging, especially in Nigeria where support services are limited.

Common Question: “Our child was born with a disability. We feel overwhelmed. Is this a punishment?”

Answer: No. This is not a punishment. This is a special calling. Your child is a gift from God.

CCC 2276: “When a child is born with a disability, it is a special grace from God.”

Professional Advice:

• Seek support from family, community, and Church.
• Join a support group for parents of children with disabilities.
• Trust God. He will give you the grace you need.

Part Eleven: The Challenge of Illness and Death

1. Serious Illness

When a spouse falls seriously ill, the marriage is tested. The healthy spouse must become a caregiver, which is exhausting and emotionally draining.

Common Question: “My wife has been sick for years. I am tired and depressed. Does God see my suffering?”

Answer: God sees your suffering. He is with you. This is a time to draw closer to Him.

Biblical Support:

Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

Professional Advice:

• Seek support from family, Church, and friends.
• Do not neglect your own health.
• Pray together. Offer your suffering to God.

2. The Death of a Spouse

This is the most painful challenge. The death of a spouse can feel like losing a part of yourself.

Common Question: “My husband died suddenly. I feel lost and angry at God. Is it wrong to be angry?”

Answer: It is natural to be angry. God can handle your anger. Bring it to Him. He is a loving Father.

Biblical Support:

Psalm 55:22: “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you.”

Professional Advice:

• Grief is a process. Allow yourself to grieve.
• Seek support from family, Church, and a grief counsellor.
• Trust that your spouse is with God.
• Do not rush into a new relationship.

Part Twelve: Common Questions Answered Deeply

Question 1: “How can I keep my marriage strong when everything seems to be falling apart?”

Answer: Hold onto Christ. He is your anchor. Pray together. Go to Mass together. Receive the Sacraments. Seek help from your priest or a counsellor. Remember: storms do not last forever.

Question 2: “Is it okay to separate from my spouse if they are abusive?”

Answer: Yes. The Church permits separation for grave reasons, including abuse (CCC 2383). You are not required to live in danger. Seek safety. Seek help.

Question 3: “My spouse is addicted to alcohol/drugs/gambling. What should I do?”

Answer: Addiction is a disease. Your spouse needs help. Encourage them to seek treatment. Set boundaries. Protect yourself and your children. Pray for them. Seek help from a priest or counsellor.

Question 4: “What if my spouse refuses to accept the Church’s teaching on contraception?”

Answer: This is a serious issue. Pray for them. Speak to your priest. You cannot use contraception yourself. You may lovingly explain why you cannot use it. If your spouse insists, you may have to abstain.

Question 5: “My spouse has left me. What do I do?”

Answer: This is heartbreaking. Do not give up hope. Pray for their return. Seek counselling. Focus on your own spiritual growth. Trust that God is with you.

Question 6: “Is divorce ever permitted in the Catholic Church?”

Answer: No. A valid, consummated sacramental marriage is indissoluble (Mark 10:9). However, separation is permitted. If the marriage was invalid from the beginning, an annulment may be possible. Speak to your priest.

Question 7: “How do we overcome the pressure from extended family to follow their traditions?”

Answer: Be respectful but firm. Explain your faith lovingly. Find alternatives that honour your family without compromising your faith. Stand united as a couple.

Question 8: “What if my spouse is unfaithful but repentant? Should I take them back?”

Answer: Yes, if they are genuinely repentant. Forgiveness is at the heart of Christianity. But trust must be rebuilt over time. Seek counselling together.

Question 9: “How do we keep our marriage strong when we are separated by distance?”

Answer: Communication is key. Call each other daily. Pray together over the phone. Share your day with each other. Trust each other. Avoid temptation.

Question 10: “Is it okay to remarry after my spouse dies?”

Answer: Yes. Marriage ends at death. You are free to remarry if you wish. Take time to grieve first. Seek counsel.

Part Thirteen: How to Overcome Challenges – Practical Steps

1. Pray Together Daily

The most important tool for overcoming challenges is prayer. A couple that prays together stays together.

Matthew 18:19: “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.”

2. Go to Mass Every Sunday

Do not let challenges keep you away from Mass. You need the Eucharist for strength.

3. Go to Confession Regularly

Confession heals your soul and strengthens your marriage.

4. Seek Help Early

Do not wait until your marriage is broken. Seek help from your priest or a counsellor at the first sign of serious trouble.

5. Communicate Honestly

Do not hide your struggles from your spouse. Talk about them. Pray about them.

6. Forgive Freely

Forgiveness is essential. Without it, resentment grows and kills marriage.

7. Never Give Up

Marriage is a covenant for life. Challenges come, but with God’s grace, you can overcome them.

Summary: Key Challenges and Solutions

Challenge: Financial Pressure
Solution: Budget together. Communicate openly. Trust God.

Challenge: Communication Breakdown
Solution: Make time to talk. Listen. Seek counselling if needed.

Challenge: In-Law Interference
Solution: Set boundaries. Spouse must defend partner. Seek help.

Challenge: Sexual Temptations
Solution: Pray. Flee temptation. Go to confession.

Challenge: Spiritual Dryness
Solution: Keep praying. Seek spiritual direction. Trust God.

Challenge: Childlessness
Solution: Trust God. Seek medical help. Consider adoption.

Challenge: Infidelity
Solution: Seek counselling. Work toward reconciliation if possible.