“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” — Psalm 127:3
Introduction: The Crown of Marriage
Dear intending couples, among all the blessings of marriage, children are the greatest. They are not an accessory to your love; they are the fruit of your love. When God created the first married couple, His first command was not about finances or communication. It was about children.
Genesis 1:28: “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.”
In the Catholic tradition, children are not merely a biological outcome. They are a vocation. They are a sacred trust. You are not just raising children; you are forming souls for eternity. Every child born into your marriage is a unique creation of God, entrusted to you for a time, to be returned to Him one day.
Let us therefore learn what the Church teaches about responsible parenting – how to welcome children, how to raise them in the faith, how to discipline them with love, and how to prepare them for heaven.
CCC 1652: “By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory.”
Part One: The Theology of Children in Catholic Marriage
1. Children Are a Gift, Not a Right
In our Nigerian culture, children are often seen as a sign of prosperity, a source of security in old age, and a continuation of the family line. These are not wrong, but they are incomplete. The Catholic Church teaches that children are first and foremost a gift from God. You do not have a right to a child. You have the privilege of receiving one if God wills.
Psalm 127:3: “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
This means that every child is a blessing, not a burden. Even a child born with disabilities, even a child conceived in difficult circumstances – that child is a gift from God. You receive them with gratitude, not with resentment.
2. The Twofold Purpose of the Marital Act
The Church teaches that every marital act must be open to the transmission of life. This is called the unitive and procreative meaning of sex.
CCC 2363: “The spouses’ union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life.”
The Unitive Meaning: The marital act expresses and deepens the love between husband and wife. It is a total self-giving of each to the other.
The Procreative Meaning: The marital act is ordered toward the generation of new life. This does not mean every act must result in pregnancy, but every act must be open to the possibility.
This means that artificial contraception – condoms, pills, IUDs, sterilisation – is intrinsically evil. It deliberately closes the act of love to the gift of life. Natural Family Planning (NFP), on the other hand, respects God’s design. Couples may use NFP to space or postpone pregnancies for just reasons, but they must never deliberately exclude life.
Common Question: “What if we cannot afford children? Is it wrong to use contraception to avoid pregnancy?”
Answer: The Church understands financial struggles. That is why NFP is permitted for serious reasons. But artificial contraception is never permitted. Instead, trust God. He who gives life will provide. And if you truly cannot have more children, abstinence during fertile periods is a holy and virtuous choice.
3. Parents Are Cooperators with God
When a child is conceived, you are not just biological parents. You are co-creators with God. You participate in God’s ongoing work of creation. Every child who is conceived is a new immortal soul created by God and entrusted to your care.
CCC 2367: “Called to give life, spouses share in the creative power and fatherhood of God.”
This is a profound dignity. It also carries profound responsibility. You are not just bringing a body into the world; you are bringing a soul into the world – a soul that will live forever. Your parenting has eternal consequences.
Part Two: Responsible Parenthood – What It Means
1. Responsible Parenthood Is Not Having as Many Children as Possible
Some couples believe that to be good Catholics, they must have as many children as possible. This is not the teaching of the Church. Responsible parenthood means having children with generosity, but also with prudence.
CCC 2368: “A particular aspect of this responsibility concerns the regulation of procreation. For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children.”
What are “just reasons”? These include:
- The physical or mental health of the mother
- The financial capacity to provide for children
- The ability to educate children properly
- The stability of the marriage
What is not a just reason? Selfishness. A desire for comfort. A rejection of children altogether.
2. Responsible Parenthood Is Forming Children in Faith
The most important responsibility of parents is not feeding, clothing, or educating children in secular subjects. It is forming them in the Catholic faith.
CCC 2221-2222: “The role of parents in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to provide an adequate substitute. The right and duty of parents to educate their children are primordial and inalienable. Parents must regard their children as children of God and respect their human dignity.”
Practical Advice:
- Bring your children to Mass every Sunday. Not sometimes. Every Sunday.
- Teach them the prayers – the Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, and the Rosary.
- Read Bible stories to them. Let them see you reading the Bible.
- Send them to Catholic schools if possible. If not, ensure they attend Catechism classes.
- Show them what it means to love God by how you treat your spouse. Children learn faith not from what you say but from what they see.
3. Responsible Parenthood Is Being Present
In Nigeria, many parents work hard to provide for their children. Some travel abroad, leaving children with grandparents. Some work long hours and rarely see their children. While provision is good, presence is more important.
Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Practical Advice:
- Eat together as a family at least once a day.
- Ask your children about their day. Listen to them.
- Attend their school events, their sports, their recitals.
- Pray with them every night.
- Be available. Children do not need perfect parents; they need present parents.
Part Three: Welcoming Children – The Gift of Life
1. Openness to Life
Every couple entering a Catholic marriage must be open to life. This is a non-negotiable requirement for a valid sacramental marriage. If you enter marriage with the intention of never having children, or with a closed heart to the possibility of children, your marriage is invalid.
CCC 1601: “The matrimonial covenant… is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring.”
Common Question: “What if we are not sure we want children? Can we get married and decide later?”
Answer: You must be open to children from the beginning. That does not mean you must have them immediately. But you cannot exclude them. You may use NFP to postpone for just reasons, but you must never say, “We will never have children.”
2. Infertility and the Cross of Barrenness
Some couples marry and discover they cannot conceive. This is a profound cross. In our Nigerian culture, childlessness can bring immense pressure, shame, and even accusations of witchcraft.
CCC 2379: “The Gospel shows that physical sterility is not an absolute evil. Spouses who still suffer from infertility after exhausting legitimate medical procedures should unite themselves with the Lord’s cross, the source of all spiritual fruitfulness.”
Scriptural Examples:
- Abraham and Sarah were barren until old age (Genesis 18:1-15).
- Hannah wept before the Lord for a child, and God gave her Samuel (1 Samuel 1:1-20).
- Elizabeth and Zechariah were righteous but childless until John the Baptist was born (Luke 1:5-25).
Professional Advice:
- Do not blame your spouse. Barrenness is not a punishment. It is a mystery of God’s will.
- Seek legitimate medical help, but avoid immoral procedures like IVF that involve discarding embryos.
- Consider adoption. It is a noble and loving act. When you adopt, you are giving a home to a child who needs one.
- Trust God. He has a plan for your marriage, even if it is not the plan you expected.
3. Adoption and Foster Care
Adoption is a beautiful expression of Christian love. When you adopt a child, you are welcoming a life that may have been unwanted, abandoned, or orphaned.
CCC 2379: “The Church encourages married couples to consider adoption as a way of exercising their responsibility to welcome and educate children.”
Practical Advice:
- If you are infertile, prayerfully consider adoption.
- Adoption is not a second choice. It is a holy choice.
- Love an adopted child as you would a biological child. They are no less your child because they did not come from your body.
Part Four: Raising Children – The Sacramental Life
1. Baptism – The First Gift
Your first duty as Catholic parents is to have your child baptised as soon as possible after birth.
CCC 1250: “Children should be baptised as soon as possible after birth.”
Why? Because baptism removes original sin, incorporates the child into the Church, and makes them a child of God. Do not delay. Do not wait for a “better time.” Do not wait for the grandparents to arrive. Baptism is urgent.
Common Question: “Should we baptise our child only when we can afford a big celebration?”
Answer: No. The celebration is secondary. The sacrament is primary. If you cannot afford a big party, have a simple baptism. The child’s soul matters more than the feast.
2. The Eucharist and Reconciliation
As your child grows, prepare them for the sacraments of First Reconciliation and First Holy Communion. This is not just a school requirement. It is a spiritual formation.
CCC 2223: “Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They are the primary educators of their children in the faith.”
Practical Advice:
- Teach your child to go to confession regularly from the age of reason.
- Bring them to Mass every Sunday. Let them see you receive the Eucharist.
- Explain the faith to them in words they understand.
- Answer their questions about God, sin, and salvation.
3. Confirmation – Sealed with the Holy Spirit
Confirmation strengthens a child for the challenges of life. In Nigeria, many children are confirmed, but too often it is seen as a graduation from the faith. In reality, it is a commissioning.
CCC 1303: “Confirmation brings an increase and deepening of baptismal grace. It gives the Holy Spirit to the faithful, making them more completely like Christ.”
Practical Advice:
- Encourage your child to take Confirmation seriously.
- Do not force them to be confirmed if they do not understand what they are doing. But guide them and pray for them.
- After Confirmation, encourage them to remain active in the Church.
Part Five: Discipline and Formation
1. Discipline Is Love, Not Cruelty
In Nigeria, we sometimes confuse discipline with harsh punishment. The Catholic Church teaches that discipline must be loving, reasonable, and aimed at forming the child’s conscience.
Proverbs 13:24: “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
CCC 2223: “Parents must teach their children to obey the commandments and to love God and neighbour.”
Practical Advice:
- Discipline with love. Never discipline in anger.
- Explain why something is wrong. Help your child understand, not just obey out of fear.
- Physical punishment (spanking) should be used sparingly, never with cruelty, and never as the first resort.
- The goal of discipline is not to break the child’s will. It is to form their conscience.
2. Consistency Between Parents
One of the greatest problems in Nigerian parenting is inconsistency. The father says one thing. The mother says another. The child learns to manipulate one parent against the other.
Practical Advice:
- Agree on rules and consequences together. Do not argue about discipline in front of the children.
- Present a united front. Children need to know that the parents are a team.
- If you disagree, discuss it privately. Then present the agreed position together.
3. Teaching Virtue by Example
Children learn more from what they see than from what they are told. If you want your child to be honest, be honest yourself. If you want them to pray, pray with them. If you want them to love the poor, show them charity.
CCC 2223: “Parents should teach their children to love God and neighbour, to be truthful, chaste, and just. They should also teach them to live according to the Gospel.”
Part Six: The Role of Education – Academic and Moral
1. Education Is a Parental Duty
Parents are the primary educators of their children. You cannot outsource this responsibility to schools, teachers, or relatives.
CCC 2221: “The role of parents in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to provide an adequate substitute.”
Practical Advice:
- Choose schools that respect your faith and values.
- Monitor what your child is learning, especially in science, sex education, and ethics.
- Teach your child at home – prayer, catechism, and moral reasoning.
- Be involved in their homework and school life.
2. The Dangers of Social Media and Modern Culture
In today’s Nigeria, children are exposed to social media, pornography, immorality, and false teachings from a young age. You cannot protect them completely, but you can prepare them.
Colossians 2:8: “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ.”
Practical Advice:
- Monitor your child’s phone and internet usage.
- Have conversations about the dangers of pornography, sexual temptation, and false teachings.
- Teach your child to come to you with questions and concerns. Be approachable.
- Be the first voice they hear about sex, marriage, and faith.
3. Vocational Discernment
As your child grows, help them discern God’s will for their life. This may be marriage, religious life, priesthood, or single life.
Practical Advice:
- Encourage your child to consider religious life. Do not pressure them, but do not discourage them either.
- Pray with them about their future.
- Support their choice, even if it is not what you expected.
CCC 2224: “Parents should teach their children to appreciate the vocation of the Church, to respect it, and to pray for it.”
Part Seven: Common Questions Answered Deeply
Question 1: “Is it a sin to stop at two or three children if we feel we cannot afford more?”
Answer: It is not a sin to space children using NFP for just reasons. If you have serious financial or health reasons to postpone pregnancy, NFP is permitted. However, you must never close your heart to the possibility of more children. Always remain open to God’s will. If God blesses you with another child, receive that blessing with gratitude.
Question 2: “My husband refuses to use NFP. He says it is not natural to abstain during fertile days. What should I do?”
Answer: NFP requires mutual consent and cooperation. If your husband refuses, it is a serious problem. He is rejecting the Church’s teaching and disregarding your dignity. Pray for him. Speak to your parish priest. Seek counselling. In the meantime, you are not required to sin. You may lovingly say, “I cannot use contraception. Please help us find a way that respects God’s plan.” If he insists on contraception, you may have to abstain.
Question 3: “Should we baptise our child in the Catholic Church or in the village tradition?”
Answer: You must baptise your child in the Catholic Church. If you also wish to do a traditional naming ceremony, that is permissible as long as it does not involve anything contrary to the faith – no offerings to spirits, no rituals that deny Christ. The Catholic baptism is essential for salvation.
Question 4: “What if my child wants to marry someone outside the Catholic faith?”
Answer: This is a challenge many Nigerian parents face. First, do not force your child. Forcing them often drives them away. Instead, pray. Explain the importance of shared faith. Show them examples of happy Catholic marriages. If they marry outside the faith, ensure they receive a dispensation from the Bishop. Then love your child unconditionally and pray for their spouse’s conversion.
Question 5: “My child has decided to become a priest or religious. I am disappointed because I wanted grandchildren. What should I do?”
Answer: This is a temptation many parents face. But remember: your child’s vocation is not for you to decide. It is for God to decide. Be proud that your child is serving God. Pray for them. Support them. Do not discourage them. A religious vocation is a blessing to the entire family.
Question 6: “How do we handle a disobedient teenager in a Nigerian context where respect for elders is so important?”
Answer: Disobedience is a natural part of adolescence, but it must be addressed. Do not shout or humiliate your child. Listen to them. Understand their feelings. Explain your rules and the reasons behind them. Hold firm on matters of faith, safety, and morality. But be flexible on matters of preference – clothes, music, hobbies. And always pray for them.
Question 7: “Is it okay to use the rod for discipline? Some modern advice says it is abuse.”
Answer: The Church does not forbid corporal punishment but strongly warns against excessive or abusive use. CCC 2223 says parents must “avoid all harshness and compulsion.” The goal is not to hurt but to correct. Use the rod rarely, never in anger, never with a weapon, and always followed by explanation and reconciliation.
Question 8: “How do we protect our children from the influence of relatives who do not share our faith?”
Answer: This is common in Nigeria, where relatives may practice traditional religions or engage in immoral behaviour. Be honest with your children: “We believe in Jesus. We do not follow these traditions.” Teach them why your faith is true. Limit exposure to dangerous relatives. But do not be rude – be loving and firm. Pray for your relatives.
Part Eight: The Domestic Church – Your Home as a School of Holiness
The family is called the “domestic church.” Your home is where your children first learn to love God, to pray, to forgive, and to serve.
CCC 1657: “The family is the first cell of society and the domestic church. It is the first school of Christian life and a communion of persons.”
Practical Ways to Make Your Home a Domestic Church:
- Have a prayer corner. A place with a crucifix, Bible, and candle. Pray there daily.
- Pray the Rosary together. It is a powerful protection for your family.
- Bless your children before they sleep. Make the sign of the cross on their foreheads.
- Read Scripture at meals. Have a short reading during breakfast or dinner.
- Celebrate feast days. The feast of your family’s patron saint, Christmas, Easter – make them joyful and faith-filled.
- Be a witness. Your children learn holiness from watching you. Do they see you pray? Do they see you forgive? Do they see you go to Mass?
Summary: Key Principles of Children and Responsible Parenting
On Openness to Life: Every marital act must be open to life. Artificial contraception is evil. NFP is permitted for just reasons.
On Welcoming Children: Children are gifts from God. Even in infertility, trust God. Consider adoption.
On Baptism: Baptise your children as soon as possible after birth. It is essential for salvation.
On Faith Formation: You are the primary educators of your children in the faith. Teach them prayer, the sacraments, and moral virtue.
On Discipline: Discipline with love, not harshness. Be consistent. Do not provoke your children to anger.
On Education: Choose schools that respect your faith. Monitor what your children learn. Teach them at home.
On Protection: Protect your children from harmful media and bad influences. But also prepare them to face the world.
On Vocation: Support your child’s vocation, whether marriage, priesthood, religious life, or single life.
On the Domestic Church: Your home is a school of holiness. Make it a place of prayer, love, and witness.
Professional Advice for Nigerian Parents
- Do not let relatives or village elders pressure you into having children you are not ready for. You and your spouse decide, not your mother or your uncle. But always remain open to life.
- If you are childless, do not accept traditional accusations of witchcraft. The Church rejects such superstitions. Seek medical help and trust God.
- Do not spoil your children with material things while neglecting their spiritual life. Many Nigerian children have phones, clothes, and cars but do not know their Catechism.
- Be a united front. In-laws may try to influence your parenting. Stand together as a couple. Your children belong to you, not to your mother.
- Do not use children as weapons in marital conflict. Never say, “Your father is no good” or “Your mother does not love you.” That wounds the child’s soul.
- When your child marries, let them go. Do not interfere. You have raised them. Now trust them and God.
Closing Prayer for Parents
Heavenly Father, You are the source of all life. Thank You for the gift of children. Grant us the wisdom to raise them in Your love. Teach us to discipline with patience and to teach with grace. Protect our children from evil. Guide them to know You, love You, and serve You. Help us to be witnesses of faith in our home. May our children grow up to be saints. And when we fail, forgive us and give us a new start. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Memory Verses for This Theme
Psalm 127:3 – “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
Genesis 1:28 – “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.”
Proverbs 22:6 – “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Ephesians 6:4 – “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
CCC 1652 – Marriage is ordered to the procreation and education of offspring.
CCC 2221 – Parents are the primary educators of their children.
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End of Theme 8
“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” — Matthew 19:14